Friday, November 17, 2006

Please Allow me to Introduce Myself

I am a 30 year old woman, I'm engaged, I wouldn't call him wonderful but hes OK. Well he has his moments. I do love him though so please do not doubt that. I work as a bookkeeper for a financial services company and I do like my job. They are a very family oriented company and normally that makes my skin crawl but these people do family oriented correctly.

I basically work, go home, play with Normal Boy and Not So Normal Dog, clean, watch TV, play video games, and occasionally, I go shopping. My life is boring, or at least it should be.

I have a knack for getting in odd situations and dealing with odd people. Maybe I bring out the worst in people, maybe they bring out the worst in me. I don't know, but I do know that I want to get some shit off my chest and this is the best way to do that.

In the real world I am considered to be an extremely nice person, to the point that I sometimes let people (Normal Boy mainly) walk all over me. But inside I am screaming at the hypocrisy, rudeness, and just blatant meanness that I see going on around me. Please do not think that I am holier than though, I am the first to admit that behind closed doors I am a mega bitch and I have probably called you every name in the book if you have ever pissed me off. And if you've cut me off in traffic I apologize for wishing that large rocks would fall out of the sky upon your car, I really do.

Basically I have a lot of anger inside me and I need a place to get it out without alienating my friends, family and anyone that's ever been around me.

So your welcome to come along for the ride, I'm not saying that it will be pretty but I can guarantee it will never be boring.

So I guess I should begin at the beginning. I was born to a father that ran off and a mother that was 15. She was a wild child and she wasn't too keen on having a baby at that point so my grandmother raised me. She was a wonderful woman for doing that, and I do know how very different my life would be had she not raised me but I also am acutely aware that older people do not need to be around small children. We are nothing but energy and noise and commotion and excitement about everything around us. They have been there done that and we wear them out. I get it, but that doesn't mean I was happy about it when I was growing up.

She was very strict with me, I wasn't allowed to date, go to parties, I was basically watched every second of my life. I never even spent a night away from home until I was 18. I know that she felt that she was protecting me and preventing me from turning into my mother but to a degree she was also pushing me that way. I always received very high grades in school, and was never in any trouble. I think the fact that I truly felt my mother did not want me made me see approval from every single person I met. Its honestly something I still deal with to this day but I have managed to not be quite as hung up on it.

When I was 18 I decided to join the Navy, I wanted to go to college but it wasn't an option financially for me and I figured this was the next best opportunity. I didn't hate it and I don't regret my decision. The day that I graduated from boot camp my Granny and uncle came to see me graduate. I was held up after the graduation ceremony and they left, not the base, they went and checked out of the hotel and started to drive back to Texas. So the two most important people in my life saw me for about 30 minutes on the most important day of my life. To say I haven't ever really gotten over that is putting it lightly.

I lived in Japan for 3 years and met my fiancee there. Yes we have been together for 8 years and only recently got engaged. He has some commitment issues and honestly I didn't care either way about the whole big white dress, I'm a princess, blah blah stuff.

So this is pretty much who I am.

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